


Rumble in Detroit

by MadameFolie



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Film Treatment, Low-budget, Multi, The Katsuki family jewels, kind of, making a movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-01 18:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8633026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameFolie/pseuds/MadameFolie
Summary: Rumble In Detroit is a high-octane kung-fu crime thriller in which the robbery of a powerful yakuza’s family jewels throws the figure skating underground into bloody turmoil – hearts will be broken and heads will roll as everyone sets their eyes on the grand prize.
  Or, Guang Hong and Leo make a movie.





	1. Chapter 1

_**RUMBLE IN DETROIT** _

 

_Rumble In Detroit is a high-octane kung-fu crime thriller in which the robbery of a powerful yakuza’s family jewels throws the figure skating underground into bloody turmoil – hearts will be broken and heads will roll as everyone sets their eyes on the grand prize._

 

 

 

_**Story Treatment:** _

 

_Night in Hong Kong. In a dark hotel room, triad soldier JI GUANG-HONG, 21, sits at the foot of the bed, smoking. LEO DE LA IGLESIA, 23, American smuggler, lies curled against the pillows. Wistfully, the lovers air their reservations towards a mysterious coming storm. GUANG-HONG is torn by his strong feelings of loyalty; LEO wishes for their freedom. They are but two tiny flies caught in in a cathode gas spiderweb of lies._

 

 

_At a traditional hot springs serving as a yakuza front, GUANG-HONG receives his assignment._

 

 

Mari looks her mother over.

 

“So….what’s with the suit?” Guang Hong fumbles his way to the sideboard as fast as he can to stop the recording– damn! He knew they should have put up a sign or something. They’ll have to do the take from the beginning. Mari turns her unimpressed gaze on Guang Hong, too.

 

“You haven’t heard? Guang Hong here is making a movie!” Hiroko motions to her suit. “I’m going to be the head of the Katsuki family yakuza, isn’t that exciting?” The suit’s very somber and official-looking, and maybe if Guang Hong didn’t already know her he might be a little intimidated by it. Maybe.

 

Maybe they should give her a sword, just to be sure.

 

“Oh.”

 

“You could be in it, too, if you want,” Guang Hong offers. “It’s really great to have volunteers!”

 

“Mm,” Mari says, like she’s actually considering it even though she really doesn’t sound like it. She wouldn’t make a bad yakuza, either. “I’m good, thanks.” She breezes out of the room as casually as she’s entered, her well-wishing on the project sounding from almost halfway down the hall.

 

“I’m sure there’s something she can do,” Hiroko supplies. “It’s such a fun idea!”

 

_KATSUKI HIROKO, 49, head of the Katsuki crime family relays to GUANG-HONG his mission. Three days ago, a Russian crime syndicate broke into a top-security storage facility and stole the priceless Katsuki Family Jewels. The diamonds stolen have belonged to the family since the Momoyama period, a gift from the shogun himself. The robbery is all but a bald-faced declaration of war. The Katsukis and their allies will retaliate – but first, the treasure must be brought home._

 

“Understood,” Guang Hong says, bowing his head low.

 

“Wonderful! Now that that’s settled, can I get you some tea?”

 

Guang Hong does hope Leo has some editing software. Though tea would be nice, about now.

 

 

Victor leans over the boards to listen. His eyes are wide with almost childlike wonder.

 

“Really? A movie?”

 

 

_VICTOR NIKIFOROV, 31, world champion figure skater and informant. If the diamonds are to be recovered, GUANG-HONG will need to cast a wide net. Play it close to the chest. Coax the monkey from the sleeve. If anyone on the ground has information, it’s VICTOR._

 

“Yuuri, do you want to be in a movie?” He calls out. Yuuri slows to a halt on the ice.

 

“What?”

 

_~~world champion figure skater and informant~~ , world champion figure skater and informant, and lover to KATSUKI YUURI, 27, heir to the Katsuki name. VICTOR gazes at him, smitten, from across the rink._

 

Leo flicks a piece of his popcorn at Victor’s temple, laughing. He’s perched precariously on top of the boards, and it’s freaking Guang-Hong out a little because that’s so dangerous? What if he falls?

 

“Focus, lover boy. How about it?”

 

“I love it! What do I get to be? Can I be the hero?”

 

“Well, actually,” Guang Hong says. “About that….”

 

 

_In a shady corner of a shady bar, VICTOR orders two shots of vodka._

 

 

“Is he even legal to drink?” Even with Guang Hong’s ID in hand, Minako looks dubious. He's been legal in Japan for almost two years!

 

“I mean, it’s just for a prop…”

 

“We weren’t supposed to drink it?” Victor’s glass is already empty. Leo sighs and cuts the recording.

 

“Let’s do that again from the top?”

 

 

_VICTOR has information, as expected. He slides GUANG HONG a drink, with a note folded beneath the coaster. The information directs GUANG HONG to a Russian mafia operative by the name of YURI PLISETSKY, 19._

 

 

“Get that fucking camera out of my face,” Yuri spits. “Or I will crack it in half and shove it up your–”

 

Leo hastily closes the sliding door before the flung alarm clock can pass the threshold. It strikes the wooden frame and bounces off, leaving the paper unharmed. And them. Oh, thank god. This isn’t worth it, Guang Hong thinks. Nothing is worth this, he’s heard of dying for one’s art, but a man has to draw the line somewhere.

 

“Ooookay, never mind.” Leo turns to him. “We’ll find a different informant, then. Somebody who’s willing to talk.”

 

“One who doesn’t want to kill us,” Guang Hong agrees.

 

 

_The information directs GUANG HONG to ~~a Russian mafia operative by the name of YURI PLISETSKY, 19~~ Chief Information Security Officer for the Katsuki family and Hacker Extraordinaire PHICHIT CHULANONT, 24. He agrees to meet GUANG-HONG at the pier, provided he comes alone. He has security footage that might benefit GUANG-HONG’S investigation._

 

“Right here.” Phichit points to the screen of his laptop, playing a prop film. Leo, Guang Hong, and a few of the younger senior division skaters, dressed entirely in black, and ski masks, are removing a craft store bag’s worth of rhinestones from a fake display case. Briefly, one of the burglars with tufts of bright red and bleach-blonde hair poking out from the eye holes pauses his work to mime ninja poses for the camera. It’s kind of a cool touch.

 

Phichit taps the image of the diamonds. “It’s like they knew how to get in. It’s not easy– you can’t just waltz on in and grab the Katsuki family jewels.”

 

“So you think there was a leak?”

 

“No, more intentional. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

 

“A traitor? No way.”

 

 

_A routine job. Special commission for the Katsukis or no, GUANG-HONG still has a cause to serve for his own allies. And squatters on their turf cannot be tolerated. He prepares his weapons outside the warehouse skating rink – the site of the raid. Steadying his breath, he raises his sword, then turns to kick down the door._

 

  
“Guang Hong?” The water pistol freezes a breath away from his forehead. Guang Hong stills.

 

“Leo?”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

 

_The two lovers set aside their arms to fall into each other’s arms._

 

“Putting their hands all over the Katsuki family jewels?” Leo frowns. “That’s insane! They’d have to have a death wish!”

 

“Or want to start a war,” Guang Hong says. He can’t bear to meet Leo’s eyes as he thinks of the imminent bloodshed. To taint something as beautiful as what they have with the blood on his hands–

 

“But why would anybody want that? How could anybody profit from an all-out war in the skating underground?”

 

 

_In times of trouble, GUANG-HONG always finds himself returning to the rink to center himself. As he glides across the ice, practicing his compulsory figures, he reflects on the information he’s gathered. Lost in thought, he nearly does not notice the assassin poised to strike._

 

 

It’s a fairly complicated scene, but it should be so worth it to see the finished result. Victor even helped them choreograph it! His one rule was that there would be no kicks. Which Guang Hong guesses makes sense, the blades can be pretty dangerous. One wrong move and someone could get hurt. Well, they have the water guns, and he has the cardboard sword. And also….

 

 

_A hand-to-hand fight on the ice ensues between GUANG HONG and the ASSASSIN. Part dance, part mortal combat, the ASSASSIN attempts to drive GUANG HONG back up against the boards. But GUANG HONG is no amateur – he subdues and de-masks the assassin._

 

 

Yuuko can not stop laughing at the water gun pointed at her head. Granted….it is neon green with little flame decals. It was the coolest one they could find, and the sword doesn’t fit in his fleece pocket. So.

 

“Mama,” one of the girls cries out from the stands. The one in pink. It’s…really hard to tell the three of them apart without the color code, Guang Hong’s not sure which one Pink is. “Get in character, there’s nothing funny about this! You’re an assassin! Your life’s in danger!” The triplets may be the ones taking this movie the most seriously of all.

 

“I am so sorry, Guang Hong,” Yuuko wheezes. She snorts loudly as soon as she raises her head and sets eyes on the prop again. “Oh my god. We need to paint that thing, I’m going to lose it every time. Where did you get that?”

 

“The convenience store….” And, okay, when he says it out loud, it makes it sound even sillier. But the other ones had little plastic bubble reservoirs. All their heavy armament for the later scenes has them, too.

 

“You!” Right on cue, Yuuko’s husband thunders onto the scene. “Unhand my associate! Our reinforcements will be here any second!” Pink groans and drops her head into her hands.

 

“Forget it, Dad, the take’s already over…”

 

 

_The assassins need little prompting to divulge what they know – it seems the Katsukis aren’t the only ones looking to recover the missing diamonds. Rival organizations within Japan and abroad have caught wind of the theft and all eyes in the figure skating underground are on the family jewels. For some, the diamonds are a leg up, a valuable asset in their dog-eat-dog world. To others, the chaos itself presents opportunity. A stray bullet, turf lost and claimed – why, suddenly even the smallest of operations could find something to their liking in this arrangement. Even if the jewels are found, the aftershocks will shake the earth beneath their very feet._

 

 

That’s the cue. The other two girls should be ushering in the rest of the students, right….

 

…about…

 

Loud rock music begins to blast from the rink speakers.

 

…now. Masked and dressed in black, the current and former students of the Hasetsu Ice Castle begin to pour onto the ice. This is the best part, Guang Hong thinks. The scene where he has to battle his way out of the rink, through what’s supposed to be hundreds of armed assailants. Victor waves the students onto the ice.

 

“One, two, three, four,” he counts, clapping out the beats for them. “Five, six, seven, eight! Group two– two, three, four–”

 

“Remember, no kicking,” Yuuri reminds the younger ones, helping them get their footing as they enter. He catches a small straggler to straighten out her ski mask. She giggles and wriggles her way out of his grasp to fix it herself, and then it’s straight into the fray, colorful plastic water guns blazing.

 

 

_A bloody and exhausting battle ensues, to an intense rock number. GUANG HONG fights his way through an onslaught of enemy assassins and to the safety of a triad lair. There, in a short interlude, GUANG HONG tends to his wounds._

 

 

The cigarette has to stay unlit because nobody really wants to be the one to have to inhale when they light it. A skater’s lungs are his pride! They very foundation of his art! At least, that’s what Leo says his coach says. She has a lot of thoughts on art. As far as hardcore looks go, it’s tough to beat the look of a man patching up his own wounds while smoking a cigarette. It has grit! Very badass. Guang Hong makes sure to grimace for the camera as he tapes a large gauze pad to his waist. Just so everyone knows how hardcore it is. Leo gives him a thumbs-up from behind the camera.

 

Guang Hong picks up his phone and flicks it unlocked. He mimes making a call.

 

“Hello?” He says, to absolutely nobody on the other end. “I need to speak to The Cockerel.”

 

 

It took about six hours and three bottles of glue, but they managed to put together enough feather boas to make a luxurious-looking stole for The Cockerel.

 

 

_CHRISTOPHE GIACOMETTI, 29 – The Cockerel. A force to be reckoned with in the skating underground. Nobody knows for sure where he gets his information, but if you need it, you can be certain he has it. He goes everywhere, sees everything, and knows everyone._

 

 

Christophe twirls one end of the stole with a flourish. It sheds feathers everywhere. For such a nice guy, he wears the seedy look awfully well. He even had the white suit and vibrant shirt ready to go from his own wardrobe! Such daring style!

 

“My dear little Guang Hong,” he practically simmers. He tips his sunglasses down to leer at Guang Hong over the rhinestone-encrusted rims. “Two years.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Guang Hong says, lowering his head in what he hopes looks to be an apologetic gesture. He’s doing his best to commit to this act, but he hasn’t exactly got the emotional background to method act his way through this part.

 

“Two years since you left me. Without a word since.” Christophe clutches at his breast as if in heartrending pain. “I made you. I very nearly hand-raised you.”

 

“I needed to find my own way,” Guang Hong reminds him, with all the sobriety he thinks the admission’s due.

 

“The club hasn’t been the same. You were the best enforcer we had.” Off to the side, Leo snorts. Guang Hong strains to keep his face straight. It’s…not that funny an image, is it? Yes, he’s petite, but he could make a mean-looking bouncer if he wanted. He can lift Leo and get Victor’s feet most of the way off the ground. Christophe lets his eyes flick sidelong towards Leo, then back. “We miss you. This awful business,” he flicks a wrist dismissively, “it just isn’t meant for you. The Society won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They haven’t yet, have they?”

 

Guang Hong turns his hands over as if willing away the memory of blood upon them.

 

“Please,” he pleads. “I have to do this.”

 

 

_THE COCKEREL did not take well to GUANG HONG’s decision to leave the club behind for a new life with the Black Society. With the weight of many years of things unsaid bearing down upon them both, THE COCKEREL concedes to give GUANG HONG one small clue – it is, he admits, all he has on the matter. And it is better than nothing._

 

“The International Skating Union is holding their annual awards gala in Detroit this year.” He swirls his drink, which Guang Hong is pretty sure is just some soda. Real alcohol is way too expensive for their production budget, and they’ve already spent so much on water guns and feather boas. “You probably can’t get a ticket, but you’re a resourceful boy. I’m sure you’ll find some way to get in.”

 

“But what’s happening there? How is that supposed to help? The Katsukis have enemies all over the figure skating underworld!”

 

“Oh, use that brain of yours!” Christophe taps his own temple. “You’ve been paying so much attention to the danger without, but you’ve been ignoring the corruption within! Perhaps you ought to begin with the Katsukis themselves, hm? It may be that the young master has gotten himself into something quite far over his head.”

 

 

_KATSUKI YUURI. It doesn’t make sense. From any angle one looks at it, it’s a dead end. YUURI is an average young man in every application of the word. Perhaps even mediocre. He hasn’t the fortitude of his mother, or even the cunning of his father. His sister, both the eldest and the stronger of the two ought to be poised to inherit the clan. By all counts, he’s even an entirely unremarkable skater. The only noteworthy thing about him, GUANG HONG reflects, observing the gala preparations (with which the young master has been tasked with leading) from behind a velvet curtain in the wings, are perhaps his intimate ties to the living legend VICTOR._

 

 

Victor slides his arm around Yuuri’s waist as he passes, allowing himself to be pulled in for a brief kiss. The softness in his expression and Yuuri’s gentle smile seem almost too much to be entirely acting. It feels invasive to be filming it. Guang Hong flushes.

 

“Target sighted,” he says into the wireless headset that’s supposed to look like an official communication device. Nobody’s going to notice as long as they don’t look too hard at it. Leo makes a crackling noise like radio static.

 

“Roger that. What’s your position?”

 

“Target is at 4 o'clock. He’s checking the table seating, I think.”

 

“Okay. Stay close to him. Keep an eye out for unusual activity.”

 

“Got it.” Guang Hong leaves a moment of silence for the audience to breathe. And then: “You don’t have to do this.”

 

“Someone’s got to have your back,” Leo tells him. The smile in his voice is so warm Guang Hong can feel it in his chest. He brings his fingertips to the earpiece, like he could feel Leo’s cheek beneath them on the other side if he concentrated hard enough.

 

“You’re the only one I’d trust it with.”

 

“You too.”

 

_They mean it._

 

 

_But not a single thing YUURI does strikes an odd note. In the days leading up to the gala, he wakes at the same time. He runs and stretches, and then skates for a while. By nine he is showered and overseeing the setup. YUURI spends all morning onsite at the hotel and convention center, conferring with staff, making phone calls to advertisers and agents, wrapping up odds and ends here and there. He might eat a simple lunch if time allows. GUANG HONG watches him hesitate in front of the fried selections – and resignedly opt for lighter fare. The afternoon will likely involve more of the same, just as in the days before. Perhaps he’ll call his mother. Perhaps dinner with VICTOR. GUANG HONG chews over his own lunch and his thoughts, watching YUURI flick through his SNS feed a few tables over._

 

_VICTOR, on the other hand, is another matter entirely._

 

“I think you should see this,” Leo tells him in a text, with a grainy video attached.

 

“Victor!” Kenjiro yells from off camera. He’s crouching somewhere below the shot. In the line of the lens instead is the hoodie-draped mop in his hands, with a pair of sunglasses tucked into the cording.

 

_Russian mafia operative YURI PLISETSKY, 19. A world-class skater and ardent admirer of VICTOR’s. A name feared by many in both his chosen arenas._

 

“How much longer are you going to keep fooling around in Japan?!” Kenjiro waves the mop acting as Yuri with a furor to show the depths of Yuri’s passion. The sunglasses slip some. “Come home already!”

 

“Let’s not jump to any conclusions,” Guang Hong warns Leo. “It’s a small world for us figure skaters. I’d be more surprised if they didn’t at least know each other in passing.”

 

“Yeah, but you’ve got to read in between the lines. And I don’t like what I’m seeing.”

 

They try to keep it to just a little texting in the movie, because it’s hard to film and kind of boring to watch. They regroup instead at the dock over by the Ice Castle. The old man fishing there gives them a wave before they get started filming even though they don’t know any Japanese and he doesn’t know any English. They should find a bit part for him, he’s been so nice about all this filming in his fishing spot.

 

“Yuri Plisetsky.” Leo rubs his chin. “I thought he was working as a foot soldier in Moscow when he wasn’t skating. He can’t have come all the way to Detroit just to talk to Victor. He wants to bring him home.” This he punctuates by grasping at the air in front of him….which doesn’t really clarify what he’s trying to insinuate, but he’s trying to act naturally for the scene, and Guang Hong’s proud of him for putting his all into it.

 

“Victor’s unaffiliated.”

 

“So he says. People in our line of work say a lot of things.”

 

“You’re unaffiliated.”

 

"That….it’s different.“ That gets a response. Leo looks away, shamed into silence.

 

"I just don’t think he’s a mole. You’ve seen the way they look at each other.” He’s not exaggerating the sentiment when he pulls his legs up to his chest. The way Victor and Yuuri look at each other has a way of making everything else seem so small. Leo and he couldn’t script something like that if they tried.

 

Leo groans, shoving his hands into his hair.

 

“I don’t know! Ugh! God, maybe he’s not a mole. But then what? There's _some_ plan we're not seeing. It’s not like they’re gonna do a Romeo and Juliet or something and just run away!”

 

Guang Hong starts. He turns to Leo.

 

“…unless….”

 

“Holy shit,” Leo says, eyes going wide, wider than Guang Hong has ever seen before in his life. “No way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the night of the gala, ambitions will clash! Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had an explanation. I have none. If it looks like a plot hole? Then you are giving our dear auteurs far too much credit as planners.

Phichit balances the phone carefully between his shoulder and his ear so that he can tap away at the keyboard while he talks.

 

“It looks like your hunch was right. I found credit card transactions and e-mail confirmation: Victor bought two tickets to Switzerland for the night of the gala.” Leo zooms in on the screen, which has two fake tickets taped to it. They’re labeled “TO SWITZERLAND”. Then he swings the camera over to face Guang Hong, also on his phone.

 

“Thanks, Phichit. I owe you one.”

 

“Don’t mention it!” Phichit smiles and salutes for the camera. “It’s a piece of cake for a pro hacker!”

 

“So they really are planning to go on the run.”

 

“If they’re hoping to use the diamonds to pay their way, then they’ll be practically impossible to trace. Both our lovebirds-in-flight and the jewels, that is. Once those diamonds hit the black market, there’ll be no bringing them back together.” The rest need not even be said: and Guang Hong’s mission will have been a failure. “But on the other hand, it’ll be practically guaranteed that they’ll have the Katsuki diamonds with them and ready to go.”

 

“Then we need to make sure we don’t let the family jewels out of our grasp! It’s the night of the gala or nothing.”

 

“Don’t you worry about that! I’ve got just the thing!”

 

 

 

_PHICHIT’s lab, 2 days before the gala: PHICHIT unveils his masterpieces of technological innovation for GUANG HONG and LEO._

 

 

“I call this the Diamondmatic 2000.” He proudly pats a tissue box mounted on a selfie stick. Two wire hangers have been taped by the hooks to the box. “This baby can pick up diamond emissions within a radius of up to five kilometers! You just flip the switch–” And here Phichit pretends to press a button on the tissue box– “–and voila! This will show you the way!”

 

Guang Hong inspects it with due admiration.

 

“That’s amazing,” he says, tapping one of the hangers. They should make sure the hangers spin for the big climax! It would look so cool.

 

“But that’s not all!” With a flourish, Phichit removes the cloth covering the rest of the table. Underneath are the fanciest pen they could find, a bottle of cologne, and a dog toy wrapped in tin foil. “A memory-wiping flash pen, knock-out perfume, and a flash grenade! More than enough of each for both of you.”

 

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” Leo tells him. Phichit draws himself up ever so slightly. He’s wearing his best suit, just like in all the good spy movies.

 

“For friends of the Katsukis, it’s a pleasure!”

 

“Well,” Leo says, expression serious. “Let’s just hope we don’t need to use them.”

 

 

 

_Insinuating themselves into the framework of the party is even easier than they could have expected. GUANG HONG pays out one of the catering staff for the evening, and LEO –the consummate smuggler– has his own ways of sneaking in._

 

 

Emil, a Czech skater Phichit’s volunteered as an extra, tosses Guang Hong a uniform that’s…a little….sort of….

 

….the thing is, nobody’s going to believe they wear the same size. He shrugs on the shirt between takes, trying not to think about how neatly it fits him. Oh, he just knows Emil would have ripped right through the shoulder seams. But the audience doesn’t need to know that. All they need to know is that, dressed in his ill-gotten uniform, Guang Hong slips in among the rest of the gala staff unnoticed. Balancing a trayful of plastic champagne flutes, he hits the floor.

 

The extras descend upon him like a pack of ravenous wolves.

 

He isn’t the only person playing catering staff for this scene, of course! Phichit managed to round up a few more helping hands to put in an appearance, and between the Ice Castle students and everyone who’s in town for Victor’s performance panel, Hasetsu hotel’s grand ballroom looks exactly like a real gala! They have music, they have lighting, everyone dressed up as fancy as they could…and each of the extras onsite as a gala attendee seems to be all too excited to get their hands on some free ginger ale.

 

Guang Hong stumbles back into the kitchen to restock his tray. That’s where Leo finds him.

 

“Dude.” He’s in costume already, too, bouncing ever so slightly in place. “I wanna go see.”

 

“Go look, it’s so cool!” There’s a while before they shoot the next part and it looks like everyone’s using the fake party as an excuse to pretend they’re at a real one. The hotel managers started the hall speakers up special for the scene – some people are even dancing! The Nishigoris made cookies for the catering extras to hand out and snack on. Leo sighs against the door frame.

 

“Think we’ll have time to dance?” He says. Guang Hong peers out past his arm. Emil sneaked back in at some point. Now he’s teasing the twins from Italy with a tray of cookies. Christophe and JJ are tearing up the floor in what looks to be some kind of tango. Guang Hong thinks. It’s incredibly showy, whatever it is, and each of them is trying to outdo the other. They cut a rather flashy swath across the hall in the process. Victor’s Russian friend is demonstrating her lifts to an admiring crowd of juniors. It all looks like so much fun.

 

“We’ve got some now,” Guang Hong reminds him. Because they can steal just one. Can’t they?

 

Leo grins. He grabs his hand and bolts for the dance floor.

 

 

_From a control center on the roof of the hotel, PHICHIT monitors the comings and goings of the party._

 

 

“No sign of Plisetsky,” he tells Guang Hong over his ear piece. “And I’ve got cameras on every door. Do you really think he’ll show?”

 

“I don’t know,” Guang Hong admits. From the wings of the stage, he watches Yuuri make his way around the party, shaking hands and patting backs. “He’s just a catalyst, if anything. The ones we should worry about most are Yuuri and Victor. One of them has to be carrying the jewels.”

 

The diamond sensor is with Leo, stationed somewhere up in the catwalk in his technician disguise. They can’t actually use the ballroom stage catwalk for legal reasons, so he’s really just outside in the hall with Phichit where he’s made a kind of mini sound stage with wires and standing lamps.

 

“The meter’s going crazy!” Leo spins one of the hangers on the Diamondmatic to show that the readings are off the charts. The plan is to edit some beeping and whirring noises once they put it all together. Guang Hong does a really good siren noise! It’s going to be great!

 

“So the diamonds are here somewhere,” Phichit concludes. “You’re going to need to corner them, Guang Hong, and get them to cough up the goods!”

 

_The plan of attack is simple enough. But there are always contingencies. The Katsuki family’s armed guards have been trained to anticipate an attempt on the heads’ lives at any given time – and every possible threat, once spotted, is eliminated immediately. Katsuki family guards shoot first and ask questions later._

 

_It takes all of GUANG HONG’s skill and mettle to make his way to the epicenter of the party. With the event in full swing, getting close to YUURI as he prepares backstage to give his welcoming speech is a battle hard fought. Eventually, GUANG HONG confronts him in his dressing room._

 

 

“Katsuki Yuuri!” Guang Hong draws his sword. “It’s over. Surrender the Katsuki Family Jewels or I will remove them by force.”

 

Yuuri turns to face him with all the composure of a Guanyin statue. Peaceful. Unreal. Guang Hong can’t help but shiver. He’s become so good at putting on a collected front over the last few years. It’s the same one he wears when he skates. You almost wouldn’t recognize him, if you didn’t know better.

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“The diamonds!” He levels his cardboard sword with Yuuri’s nose. “I know they’re here.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yuuri isn’t even looking at the blade. It is some _stone-cold_ badassness.

 

“It’s not too late– give up now and everything can go back to normal. If you leave with those diamonds tonight, you’re condemning countless lives!”

 

Yuuri steps forward, driving Guang Hong and his weapon back. And again.

 

“You think I have the Katsuki Family Jewels?” And again. “Me? The heir to the Katsuki family name?”

 

“I think you want to start over with Victor.” Yuuri narrows his eyes. It’s very intimidating without his glasses to dilute the expression.

 

“ _I_ think you don’t know me half as well as you think.” _  
_

 

_The door crashes in: enter VICTOR, gun pointed at GUANG HONG’s back._

 

“Yuuri!” He cries. Yuuri doesn’t take his eyes off of Guang Hong and his blade. Wow! This scene is going to look awesome! Phichit is dancing with glee behind the camera.

 

“I’m fine, Victor, he hasn’t hurt me.”

 

“This is your last warning,” Guang Hong tells them. “Turn over the diamonds now and we can all go home like nothing ever happened.”

 

“What? Diamonds?” 

 

“The Katsuki diamonds,” Yuuri supplies. “He thinks we took them.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Victor says. He strafes Guang Hong until he’s standing by Yuuri’s side. His purple plastic water gun does not waver. “Why would we need the diamonds? It’s insane, taking the diamonds would–”

 

“–start a war, we know.” Leo points his water gun at Victor’s head. In his free hand, the Diamodmatic is going crazy. Or, at least it will be in the final edit. Yuuri has taken advantage of the disruption to draw his gun on Leo. Leo goes on, unafraid. And. Totally handsome, too. Yeah. Wow. Guang Hong is super sure he would take a bullet for him. “But you won’t have to worry about that. Not once you’ve gone underground.”

 

“I told you. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Then explain this!!”

 

 

_LEO brandishes the Diamondmatic 2000 at Victor’s waist – and the sensors go wild. VICTOR and YUURI are stunned. A search of VICTOR’s pockets reveals nothing. GUANG HONG and LEO are forced to strip him down to his underwear, the Diamondmatic 2000 shrieking and wheeling at his rear._

 

“Um,” Victor begins. _  
_

 

 _But before LEO or GUANG HONG can say so much as a word, the dressing room wall is blown down by an explosion._  
  
  
“That’s right!!” Kenjiro, wielding the mop that is Yuri, kicks down the folding screen they’ve been using as one of the dressing room walls. Yuuri flinches. Oops. It wasn’t an antique, was it? “The Katsuki Family Jewels have been hidden in Victor’s underwear the whole time!”

 

Victor looks down at his black briefs in mild surprise, his hands still raised above his head.

 

“So that’s why sitting has been so uncomfortable.”

 

“Yurio!” Yuuri feigns a slightly more appropriate level of shock. “ _You_ stole the Katsuki Family Jewels?!” 

 

Victor, finally catching up with the rest of the cast, gasps.

 

“Yurio, how could you?!”

 

“D-dammit!” Kenjiro swivels the mop in his grasp, miming Yuri turning his face away. “All my life, I’ve been working to surpass you, Victor, both in the underworld and in the rink! And I just–” and here he heaves a terrible sigh, trembling with grief. “I just wanted you to notice me, you bastard!”

 

“Surpass me?” Victor looks quizzically at Yuri. His arms are still raised in supplication, even though everyone’s already lowered their weapons.

 

“You’ve always been the boss’s favorite! The best we’ve ever had!”

 

“Really?” Victor pauses, seemingly to think for a moment. “Well, if that’s all it is….” He beams. “You can have it!”

 

“Whaaaaat?” Kenjiro sweeps Yuri back in shock. The empty sleeves sway.

 

“You can have it!” Out of nowhere, he produces a badge. “I’m not actually with them, I’m here on orders from Interpol! Backup should be arriving any minute now to clean this up.”

 

Leo gapes, as much as someone can convincingly gape having written the script.

 

“What the fuck,” he breathes.

 

“Oh, yes! Deep cover! But I don’t need the position anymore! It’s all yours!”

 

Guang Hong wheels to face Yuuri.

 

“But then– Yuuri–”

 

Yuuri produces his own badge with a shy smile:

 

“Deep cover.”

 

“And magnificently done, too!” Victor gathers him up in his free arm for a triumphant kiss. This…this part they seem to be ad-libbing a little, what with the dipping and the heel-popping and all. They’re still holding their badges out for the camera, too. It’s quite impressive, they must be very strong to manage it. Leo clears his throat.

 

“So…then, the diamonds…”

 

Victor and Yuuri break apart with some strain and hesitation. Yuuri hastens to smooth back his hair.

 

“Oh! Right! Yes, then.” Victor slides a thumb under the waistband of his underwear and strips it off as well. “You’ll want to get these back where they belong, no? Keep the peace here in the skating underworld.” He tosses the discarded underwear towards Guang Hong. “Congratulations!”

 

Oh. Ohhh. That part wasn’t quite in the script. Guang Hong gingerly peels the underwear off his shoulder and shakes the little baggy of rhinestones out of a pocket in the seam. Off camera, Phichit snorts. Guang Hong would bet good money this moment’s going online. Then again, the Nishigori girls do say all publicity is good publicity.

 

“You should probably be moving along now.” Yuuri leans into Victor’s side. “My mother will be expecting those back.”

 

“And we’ve got to rendezvous with our backup team,” Victor finishes for him, holding him close. “And Yuri.”

 

“W-what?” Kenjiro has to put his arms into the sleeves of the sweatshirt and tuck his head underneath the mop to sell the scene. He closes in on himself the way some people do when they’ve been caught crying. With a wink, Victor blows him a kiss.

 

“See you in the major leagues,” he says. Then Yuuri sets off a flash grenade, and by the time everyone recovers their sight, the pair are gone.

 

 

_Interpol agents escort some of the shadier figures at the gala away for questioning. GUANG HONG and LEO have long since slipped away into the night. They walk along the piers of Detroit, admiring the stars and reflecting on the evening’s peculiar events. Despite all that’s happened, can they really say that anything has changed? They still remain insignificant and powerless, at the whims of the figure skating underworld._

 

 

“But then….seeing those two so happy made me wonder.” Leo watches the moonlight shining upon the surface of the water. “If they can find their happiness within this terrible spider’s web of lies…then maybe it’s not so impossible.”

 

“Leo…” Guang Hong puts a hand on his arm. It’s supposed to look comforting. But Leo turns to him, smiling fit to outshine the stars above. From his pocket he produces the two tickets labeled “TO SWITZERLAND”.

 

“How about it? Why don’t we kick off our happily ever after with a nice little vacation?”

 

 

_Rock music plays. The credits roll._

 

 

In the screening room –the bar room at the Katsuki family’s hot springs, claimed by the visiting skaters for the evening– the audience bursts into applause. Yuuri, meanwhile, buries his face in his hands.

 

“I can’t believe I did all that,” he moans. Sometimes making art is really hard, that’s what Guang Hong’s coach always says. It’s a lot like getting onstage naked in front of the entire world! But Yuuri should be proud of his nakedness – he’s done great! Everyone’s done great! And so many people are asking if they can get a copy of the movie. He can hardly punch in all the e-mail addresses as fast as the requests are coming, and that’s just in this one room!

 

The triplets are already planning the marketing and an upcoming franchise. They’re…very entrepreneurial for such small children, Guang Hong is impressed. Leo laughs and jokes with them about their plan like they’re any ordinary children– Guang Hong thinks he’s selling them awfully short. If he doesn’t watch his back, they’re going to wake up tomorrow morning with some kind of contract under their belts! And that’s not good. Guang Hong’s coach is really, really serious about not signing contracts without having lawyers read them first.

 

The party goes on late into the night. Hiroko, the breakout star of the evening, has been relieved of all her hostessing duties. And so that’s how Guang Hong and Leo find themselves in the kitchen, elbow-deep in soapy water while the party winds down more and more with each skater that dozes off at the low tables. Surprisingly, it’s Georgi who volunteers for tuck-in duty, draping each unconscious partier in the spring’s spare blankets. He’s got a good heart! His face, though. He’s got the face of a grizzled hitman! It’s perfect for an archenemy! That is, if they decide to make another movie.

 

Leo nudges him with one bare elbow.

 

“Hey.”

 

Guang Hong nudges him back.

 

“Mooove, you’re taking up the whole sink.” He isn’t, but it’s more fun to make a game out of it. Leo nudges him again, leaning in close to whisper. He’s looking over the window counter into the party room.

 

“I just had this awesome idea. For a sequel,” he says. Guang Hong feels a shiver of excitement creep up his spine.

 

“Uh-huh?”

 

“Totally. It’s gonna be so good.”

 

“Okay.” Guang Hong presses a kiss to his sweaty, gross, brilliant temple. “Shoot.”


End file.
